flinching back from hiatus...
when your painful mouth and a garden moving missions take you out and away from a newsletter, the question is not how, but when you will go back to it.
dear reader,
fragility is a thing of beauty, even munched away petals and dark shadows of self doubt can create time & space for good growth.
If you let go, that is = and if you take small steps, yes healing can change you.
However I have really had a year of it. And oh, dear, how I struggled, how I talked myself out of healing … how I dis-believed in myself.
From super scary teeth moments, yes I am not a happy dentist visitor, and learning that yes, I did have a case of being mistreated in a dental practice I had previously trusted and yes, I know I can move on, I have to… it is only a question how, when and where to. This will show itself, i know the where to, after a fabulous and truly understanding Berlin friend shared of their experience and gave me a heartfelt recommendation for a dental practice and it will definitely become the place I will shift to. For now, still healing on this route to find good help, I have learned to adjust my diet accordingly, avoiding sour food, stopping in-take of sugar
…let’s say being in control of the frequency of eating sour and sweet.
I first cut out coffee, sugar and sour items totally, and after a period of fully abstaining slowly re-introduced tomatoes, or citrus flavours, before trying coffee again…
Sugar has been a difficult thing to step away from, but allowing for example to join in with peoples birthday cakes for example, made it a good new rule. That I will not dis-allow myself it entirely , but I can check & control the the timing and self-regulate when and how much I eat of an item, like sugary food definitely hurts my mouth, so I had to grow an awareness for the levels I can bare.
The first months were definitely the hardest, as I would be overwhelmed by a fear, a rush of negative thoughts often and suddenly. I call those shadow of doubt moments, there were a-plenty in my day to day life. Only regulating my breathing helped me there, and again, giving myself permission to seek help. I started therapy and oh wow, how much better my life is for it.
I was also consuming large amounts of pain-killers, which I really really do not fare well with. It helped, it was neccessary, but ‘phew’, i am glad the pain management has worked out with my change in diet instead and I gradually managed to phase out ibuprofen consumption.
Now it’s October already, it is time for our annual community swap, named stashvent , where we make personalized countdown calendars for different Dez celebrations in a circular swap . Sign up is open until the end of this weekend ‚ the 29th Oct 2023. Please get in touch via a quick message below or on ig as there is a ten Euro registration fee, after you pay, you will receive the form to fill out so your swap is according to your celebration, colour love, that your allergies are noted and craft dreams heard= so the person making the countdown calendar for you can find out a little bit about you.
On 1st Nov the latest you will find out who you are making your stash treat, magical mini skeins countdown calendar for . If you like chatty video information here in Podcast Ep 62 I talk in length about our swap, it's energy and craft community spirit. We aim to mail our parcels around 15th Nov the latest and swaps happen within our respective region. Meaning, you won’t have to send far overseas.
What else, well my garden, my balcony plants, my family and my cats have given me light & hope … With a big move happening at interkultureller Garten SUZ, where I have the utmost joy of tending to a 12 sq-m patch I have a lot of gardening news and images and a whole process of learning, of leaning into the land to share which i will write up soon, in a separate newsletter.
For now, I would like to show you the autumn season on my balcony, as it filled me both with joy and gratitude, and a bit of grief for the seasons’ passing, as the plants are fading, the cats find less and less insects to hunt, but then again, blooms pop up, suddenly, and the greenery I planted says thank you with colour so gentle, it lives/ it proves live exists in stark contrast to the reality of its surroundings. YEs, the traffic noise and pollution are almost un-bearable, maybe for half-an-hour at a time I will sit and knit outside… (maybe I shall get myself some ear-protectors!?).
yet there are: physalis, tomatoes, nasturnikum, mint leaves, catnip, zinias, coronations, geranium, lavender plants singing songs to me.
feeling the LOve for = the Calming presence of plants for sure.
Also, amongst all this the digital zine became a true, printed analog zine with a risography cover.
Yarnchix zine No13 is called “for YOU„ and centers around caring-for-one-self in different ways. Surprisingly I full-circled back to mending as self preservation and actual matter of fact healing work.
peek-a-boo at my new zine and maybe support this little artist in her self-publishing journey… I would love to send you a zine no 13. (I have a prix libre/ sliding scale zine pricing policy so you choose what you can afford 9Eur , 10Eur or 11 Eur).
I hope you have been ok, I know it is a heavy time for heavy feelings, and I am definitely not oblivious how reading my maybe very personal pain might sound like “what-about-me-ism!” but really what I ‘d like to express here is, that amongst the pain in us, we also see the pain in the world, and if by some fortunate way we have a path to help ourselves heal, step by step, whilst learning how and what might give us focus and yes, move us closer to us, well, we might in a small way show some healing and share some mended moments with the world itself. On that note, I hope you can breathe, step away from pain and darknesses, or step closer to what matters to you.
the threads we pull at to break patriarchal violence, capitalistic gain or pain, the way we should use our time on this here earth to see what really heals us, they might also fray out the system a little bit, healing small wounds - one at a time, stitching up holes- one at a time.
We cannot but start with ourselves.
Sending many hugs,
Mimi
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Here are some things i have been enjoying as of lately, in the form of a list with links,
There is a poem below I wrote for the upcoming zine (so excited to write / create more zines).
Things I like:
pickling and jams - I documented some for you for a future newsletter.
This weeks spontaneous trip to Bauwagen Isabel, I will take you along on one here soon, too.
learning about new recipes via Ixta Belfrage Mezcla book.
zine making and finding fellow zine makers with beautiful zines, just like A.Y.F.P Issue #1 to support and read their work.
knitting dreams: Syrup Waffle cardigan, Outline tee, Paul Klee sweater.
the slow roads “moonrise” playlist.
Harry’s house on vinyl.
the new reading cat caps from Caroline Frett.
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Dental dream
I woke up,
with a throbbing tooth.
again.
Where that gripping gum
has left my root.
I gathered, I grind my teeth
at night.
Uncomfortably
control-freaking
through my sleep.
This time,
my dream had climaxed
with two younger selves
pulling away from me-screeching they were,
panicked and
I kept repeating, telling them both
you hold on to her and
vice-versa.
All I have to do is,
get those bags back
from over there and then to here
“look, we missed the train!”
another one will however
pull up at the platform shortly after.
I’ll only be gone for a short moment.
The ticket machine is so big, so vast,
so many buttons it is cryptic and shit.
While I do choose
and then again pay, but
my sight gets blurry and I hear announcements
on loudspeakers.
“Each journey will only cost you
20 Cent, once you subscribe!”
So all I want to do
is sign up, and get away,
but loudly and clearly
the kids dis-agree.
So now,
I think I dreamt the
beginning of a book.
Like starting with a puzzle the question simply being=
“How to get the bus from the night-market to the
Hostel, when last time i walked?”
words from Mimi